i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
