Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize