Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
