I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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