On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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