she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
