you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
