I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
