I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
