she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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