i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
