I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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