Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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