yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
