is your mom at the bar?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
