Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
