All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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