ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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