I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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