This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have tasted many bathrooms
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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