Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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