I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
