I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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