I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
