Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
