drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
