Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
