She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
