Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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