I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
