WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
