Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
