Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
