you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
