he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
