Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
