I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
