Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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