Your face is a jimmy john
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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