Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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