Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
