that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
