Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my shit smells like andre
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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