I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
