escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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