I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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