I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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