I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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