Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
