rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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