I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
no more duck duck goose at the bar
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
