Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize