It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
