do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
