eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize