I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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