he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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