worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
