shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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