Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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