I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
