that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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