Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
