I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize