I hate your face
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
