I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
