Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
