it wasn't lemon gatorade
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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