no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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