It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
