I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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