is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
