he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i think my cat just said my name.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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