Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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