i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
