I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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