pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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