I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The beer is more important than you right now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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