maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize