I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
