matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
