he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
