i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
