You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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