And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize