The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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