Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
