Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
