Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
