I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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