I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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