Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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