I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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