i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
