Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
