we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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