What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
