I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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