the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
