drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
