i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
