Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
