proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
