I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
