Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
